she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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