I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
