Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
