we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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