You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
