You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
