TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
