My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
