omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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