i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think brook has ever known best
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
