people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
