I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
