im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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