literally had 100 drinks last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
