Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
