she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize