she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You smell like stripper and shame
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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