I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
