i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
