____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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