This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
