Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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