i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
