My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
