As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
