ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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