So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
