I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
