you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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