I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
