i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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