he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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