how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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