I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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