can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
