Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
