i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
