White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
