Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
