Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
