rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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