The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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