Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
