Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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