i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
