I looked at my own cervix.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
