Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
