mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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