My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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