Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
